谁知道一些英文短笑话? 谁有一些英文短笑话? 谁能给我一个简短的关于法律(或律师)的英文笑话?谁有既易懂又很好笑的英文笑话啊?来这英文笑话栏目：为网友提供便捷的英语笑话资料。
各回各家，各找各妈
Go back home, and find your mom.
老虎不发威，你当我是HELLO KITTY
Tiger doesn't get angry, you think it's HELLO KITTY
额服了you,额尊敬you,额的内心崇拜you
I admire you, I respect you, I really adore you.
我看好你哟~
I really think you're nice~~~~
饿错了,呃真滴错咧，饿从一开始就错列~当初饿就不该嫁过来,如果不嫁过来饿的夫君就不会死,饿的夫君不会死,饿 就不会沦落到这么一个伤心的地方
I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't married here, if I didn't marry here my husband will never die. If my husband didn't die, I'll never in this heartrending place now.
姓嘛？叫嘛？打哪来？往哪去？家里几口人？人均几亩地？地里几头牛？说说说。。。
What's you name? What's you first name? Where are you from? Where are you going? How many people are there in you house? How many units of cropland per person has? How many cattles in the cropland? Answer! Answer it!
额滴神啊！
Oh my god!(OMG)
亲娘哎！
Oh my mom!
排山倒海
Remove Mountains
葵花点穴手
Sunflower point points hand (注明：第一个point是 点到、指到 的意思、第二个 points 是穴位的意思)
子曾经曰过
A sage said that... 或者是 Confucius said that...
放着我来
Wait! I'll do it!
嫂子~~~~~~~~~
Elder brother's wife~~~~~~~~~~
帮我照顾好我七舅姥爷和他的三外甥女
Help me to take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece
我祝你们白头偕老，断子绝孙
I bless you that live to old age in conjugal bliss and die without sons
世界如此美妙 我却如此暴躁 这样不好，不好
The wrold is that sweetness, but I'm this testiness, it's not good, not good
放心！这事全包我身上了
Take it easy, I'll do all the things
确定一定以及肯定
I confirm, ensure and make certain that
否决否认以及否定
I deny, disaffirm and disavow that
嘘！嘘！嘘！低调！低调！都低调！
Sh! Sh! Shhh! Be low-pitched, be low-pitched. All be low-pitched
我最后一次警告你啊 请使用人类的语言和我交谈
This is the last warning! Please speak humans language to me!
你杂这样子嘛!什么时候睡觉不好,非得晚上睡啊
Why did you do this? How come you must sleep in the night?
我上头有人
There have people above me
你无情无耻无理取闹
You are unkind, cheeky and out of all reason
我的神啊上帝啊以及老天爷啊
Oh my god, lord and providence!
我就象一只爬在玻璃上苍蝇，前途一片光明，就是找不到出路
I'm like the fly which is climbing on the glass, the sunshine is in front of me, but i just cannot find out the outlet
一山不能容二虎,除非一公和一母
There won't have two tigers inone place, unless they're male and female.
Go back home, and find your mom.
老虎不发威，你当我是HELLO KITTY
Tiger doesn't get angry, you think it's HELLO KITTY
额服了you,额尊敬you,额的内心崇拜you
I admire you, I respect you, I really adore you.
我看好你哟~
I really think you're nice~~~~
饿错了,呃真滴错咧，饿从一开始就错列~当初饿就不该嫁过来,如果不嫁过来饿的夫君就不会死,饿的夫君不会死,饿 就不会沦落到这么一个伤心的地方
I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't married here, if I didn't marry here my husband will never die. If my husband didn't die, I'll never in this heartrending place now.
姓嘛？叫嘛？打哪来？往哪去？家里几口人？人均几亩地？地里几头牛？说说说。。。
What's you name? What's you first name? Where are you from? Where are you going? How many people are there in you house? How many units of cropland per person has? How many cattles in the cropland? Answer! Answer it!
额滴神啊！
Oh my god!(OMG)
亲娘哎！
Oh my mom!
排山倒海
Remove Mountains
葵花点穴手
Sunflower point points hand (注明：第一个point是 点到、指到 的意思、第二个 points 是穴位的意思)
子曾经曰过
A sage said that... 或者是 Confucius said that...
放着我来
Wait! I'll do it!
嫂子~~~~~~~~~
Elder brother's wife~~~~~~~~~~
帮我照顾好我七舅姥爷和他的三外甥女
Help me to take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece
我祝你们白头偕老，断子绝孙
I bless you that live to old age in conjugal bliss and die without sons
世界如此美妙 我却如此暴躁 这样不好，不好
The wrold is that sweetness, but I'm this testiness, it's not good, not good
放心！这事全包我身上了
Take it easy, I'll do all the things
确定一定以及肯定
I confirm, ensure and make certain that
否决否认以及否定
I deny, disaffirm and disavow that
嘘！嘘！嘘！低调！低调！都低调！
Sh! Sh! Shhh! Be low-pitched, be low-pitched. All be low-pitched
我最后一次警告你啊 请使用人类的语言和我交谈
This is the last warning! Please speak humans language to me!
你杂这样子嘛!什么时候睡觉不好,非得晚上睡啊
Why did you do this? How come you must sleep in the night?
我上头有人
There have people above me
你无情无耻无理取闹
You are unkind, cheeky and out of all reason
我的神啊上帝啊以及老天爷啊
Oh my god, lord and providence!
我就象一只爬在玻璃上苍蝇，前途一片光明，就是找不到出路
I'm like the fly which is climbing on the glass, the sunshine is in front of me, but i just cannot find out the outlet
一山不能容二虎,除非一公和一母
There won't have two tigers inone place, unless they're male and female.
01. 人生的最大遗憾莫过于错误地坚持了不该坚持的，轻易地放弃了不该放弃的……
The most regret ion of live is insist on something that shouldn’t be insisted on, give up something that shouldn’t be given up
02. 大师兄，你知道吗？二师兄的肉现在比师傅的都贵了。
Tang Monk/Tang Priest, don’t you know piggy is more valuable than you? (The Pilgrimage to the West)
03. 怀才就像怀孕，时间长了才能看出来。
Having knowledge likes having pregnant, it takes times to be awareness.
04. 还能冲动，表示你还对生活有激情，总是冲动，表示你还不懂生活。
If you acts on impulse, you have passions in life, if you always acts on impulse, you don’t know what life is.
05. 我问一个在深圳工作了二十年的朋友：“如果你死后，你的墓志铭打算写点啥？”他说：“我解决了住房问题！”
I asked a question to a friend who has been working in Shenzhen for 20 years, what would be the proudest things in your life if you died? He said: I have already pay back the mortgage loan of my department.
06. 妈妈说人最好不要错过两样东西，最后一班回家的车和一个深爱你的人。
Mom said you’d better not miss two things , the last bus to home and the person who loves you deeply.
07. 一天看到一位大妈在烧纸，边烧边嘟囔着：收到了全都买基金吧~~
One day I saw a old woman was burning paper money and mumbled : buy funds if you get it.
08. 好的爱情是你透过一个男人看到世界，坏的爱情是你为了一个人舍弃世界……
A good love is you find the world for a man; a bad love is you abandon the world for a man.
09. 诸葛亮出山前，也没带过兵!凭啥我就要工作经验？
Before Liang Zhuge coming out, he didnt have experience in leading the army! why i should have experience when look for a job?
10. 如果你看到面前的阴影，别怕，那是因为你的背后有阳光……
If you saw the dark in front of you, dont be afriad, that's because sunshine is at your back.
The most regret ion of live is insist on something that shouldn’t be insisted on, give up something that shouldn’t be given up
02. 大师兄，你知道吗？二师兄的肉现在比师傅的都贵了。
Tang Monk/Tang Priest, don’t you know piggy is more valuable than you? (The Pilgrimage to the West)
03. 怀才就像怀孕，时间长了才能看出来。
Having knowledge likes having pregnant, it takes times to be awareness.
04. 还能冲动，表示你还对生活有激情，总是冲动，表示你还不懂生活。
If you acts on impulse, you have passions in life, if you always acts on impulse, you don’t know what life is.
05. 我问一个在深圳工作了二十年的朋友：“如果你死后，你的墓志铭打算写点啥？”他说：“我解决了住房问题！”
I asked a question to a friend who has been working in Shenzhen for 20 years, what would be the proudest things in your life if you died? He said: I have already pay back the mortgage loan of my department.
06. 妈妈说人最好不要错过两样东西，最后一班回家的车和一个深爱你的人。
Mom said you’d better not miss two things , the last bus to home and the person who loves you deeply.
07. 一天看到一位大妈在烧纸，边烧边嘟囔着：收到了全都买基金吧~~
One day I saw a old woman was burning paper money and mumbled : buy funds if you get it.
08. 好的爱情是你透过一个男人看到世界，坏的爱情是你为了一个人舍弃世界……
A good love is you find the world for a man; a bad love is you abandon the world for a man.
09. 诸葛亮出山前，也没带过兵!凭啥我就要工作经验？
Before Liang Zhuge coming out, he didnt have experience in leading the army! why i should have experience when look for a job?
10. 如果你看到面前的阴影，别怕，那是因为你的背后有阳光……
If you saw the dark in front of you, dont be afriad, that's because sunshine is at your back.
NOTE
corridor 走廊
re-entered re-是前缀，表示又一次
imperturbably 泰然地
Once， late at night， an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water. The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room， but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water. The servant brought him another glass of water. Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request. After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water. "Nothing，" the Englishman answered imperturbably， "It’s simply that my room is on fire."
一个英国人
一天晚上，一个英国人从他住的旅店房间里走出来。来到走廊上，叫旅店的服务员给他拿一杯水来。服务员按他的要求做了。英国人回到了他的房间里，几分钟后他又来到走廊上，让服务员再给他送一杯水。服务员又给他送了一杯水。每隔几分钟。英国人就走出房间重复他的要求。半小时之后．这位感到惊讶的服务员决定问问房客要这些水干什么，英国人不谎不忙地回答：”没什么．只不过是我的房间里起火了。“
corridor 走廊
re-entered re-是前缀，表示又一次
imperturbably 泰然地
Once， late at night， an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water. The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room， but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water. The servant brought him another glass of water. Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request. After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water. "Nothing，" the Englishman answered imperturbably， "It’s simply that my room is on fire."
一个英国人
一天晚上，一个英国人从他住的旅店房间里走出来。来到走廊上，叫旅店的服务员给他拿一杯水来。服务员按他的要求做了。英国人回到了他的房间里，几分钟后他又来到走廊上，让服务员再给他送一杯水。服务员又给他送了一杯水。每隔几分钟。英国人就走出房间重复他的要求。半小时之后．这位感到惊讶的服务员决定问问房客要这些水干什么，英国人不谎不忙地回答：”没什么．只不过是我的房间里起火了。“
21
2008
10
When we got our long-distance phone bill，we found that our daughter，Cathy，had been making 60-minute calls to a boyfriend away at college.“From now on，”her father said firmly，“Your calls are limited to five minutes.”
“Dad，what can I say in five minutes?” Cathy wailed.
“Call me back，”he answered.
当长途电话帐单送到时，我们发现，我们的女儿凯茜给她在外地上学的男朋友，聊过整整一个钟头的电话。
“从现在开始，”她爸爸说，“你打电话不能超过5分钟。”
“爸爸，五分钟够我说什么话？”女儿抗议道。
“够你说‘给我打过来’。”他爸爸回答。
——摘自《新新英语——英语其实很有趣》
“Dad，what can I say in five minutes?” Cathy wailed.
“Call me back，”he answered.
当长途电话帐单送到时，我们发现，我们的女儿凯茜给她在外地上学的男朋友，聊过整整一个钟头的电话。
“从现在开始，”她爸爸说，“你打电话不能超过5分钟。”
“爸爸，五分钟够我说什么话？”女儿抗议道。
“够你说‘给我打过来’。”他爸爸回答。
——摘自《新新英语——英语其实很有趣》
26
2008
9
刚才来了个美国人，进到办公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戏，只有自己比较清闲，面带微笑的：
前台小姐：“Hello.”
美国人：“Hi.”
前台小姐：“You have what thing？”
美国人：“Can you speak english？”
前台小姐：“If I not speak English， I am speaking what？”
美国人：“Can anybody else speak english？”
前台小姐：“You yourself look.all people are playing， no people have time， you can wait， you wait，you not wait，you go！”
美国人：“Good heavens. anybody here can speak English？”
前台小姐：“Shout what shout， quiet a little，you on earth have what thing?”
美国人：“I want to speak to your head.”
前台小姐：“Head not zai. You tomorrow come！”
美国人吐血而亡……
前台小姐：“Hello.”
美国人：“Hi.”
前台小姐：“You have what thing？”
美国人：“Can you speak english？”
前台小姐：“If I not speak English， I am speaking what？”
美国人：“Can anybody else speak english？”
前台小姐：“You yourself look.all people are playing， no people have time， you can wait， you wait，you not wait，you go！”
美国人：“Good heavens. anybody here can speak English？”
前台小姐：“Shout what shout， quiet a little，you on earth have what thing?”
美国人：“I want to speak to your head.”
前台小姐：“Head not zai. You tomorrow come！”
美国人吐血而亡……
